The Photograph

(Off lately I have been posting some stupid and prosaic stuffs on my blog… and this post is just a reminder of the fact that I am going to continue with that: P)

Things change… people change… they are never supposed to be the same forever… and there are days …days which remind you those things, those moments and those people…  yeah, the days when you feel like taking out your old and dusty acoustic guitar and strumming it again… the days when feel like paddling your old and rusted bicycle back on road… and the days when you feel like picking up the phone and calling your long lost friend from school who had almost forgotten you… and there are days when you come across an old photograph, just by a chance, and your mind is flooded by the old memories…

Well,it was just an usual lazy Sunday afternoon… I was browsing through some old photographs when out of no where I found this…

(The picture was taken outside Sarojini Nagar reservation counter more than a year and a half ago…The picture itself has a long story behind it… and it led to many other… but more on that later )

So, where was I ?? yes, The first year in Delhi… the fights… the break up… recoincilation… the booze mishap…DreamBig…. B-4...the terrace…it all came back… those good old sanguine days…the time when ignorance was bliss… absolute bliss… you know what I mean!! … fresh out of school…and the innocence was still not lost…when the only thing you worried about was your marks…and the only thing that was broken were your  pencils…yeah, the same good old days when there was no sense of responsibility… and friends were just friends… when bunking a class was the most daring job and and drinking beer was considered a cardinal sin…

Well, the world was pretty  small then… it still is… but it wasn’t a matter of choice then

How can I forget those days… living away from family for the first time…doing all kinda crazy stuffs…it reminds me of a lot of things… the crazy January mornings…and the weird December nights when the three of us used to hangout till midnight…the first time I stayed awake for a whole night…(naah!! It wasn’t for study…was watching movies)…the first time I had a beer … and the first time I smoked…the crazy Vodka party where I kept puking through the whole night…it was hilarious… that tacit relationship of love… and how can I ever forget those “DreamBig” moments…and ironically it all seems like a dream now…

But as it turns out, it wasn’t all about sweet dream…there were some nightmares too… there are parts I hate to remember… the heartbreak… the hollow lies… the fights… and crying all night…and how I screwed up my INTERNALS…the exams…(I still regret those marks) *sigh*…

Yet the impression of being there and experiencing those indelible and ephemeral moments is something that words don’t seem enough to express it at all… something which can never be effaced… something which is immortal… and as I write this, a feeling of sheer nostalgia grips me

You know… somehow I miss those days… that innocence… that recklessness… that freedom… and above all… I miss that frienship… I miss that old me…I miss it… very much…  

Its strange… how a simple and old photograph can lead back you to so many stories and memories… that’s why I love browsing through my old photographs… but you know what’s the best thing about old photographs!!! Well, the best thing about them is that it always remains the same even if the persons in the picture changes… I wish they hadn’t…

LOL!!!

well, its an another tag... and i guess it doesn't even need a mention who tagged me..and i am not surprised by this tag... it was just a matter of time... mahine me ek do tag to mil hi jate hai

so.. this is the most weird one but who cares... lets go with it

Mention 9 things that you've worn the most. They could be anything!!!

dragonball z pullover- i love it

My boxers- you can always find me roaming in my house wearing

these boxers

My specs- i have been wearing them for about 8 years

My Calvin Klein jeans- yeah, its the same jeans i bought on that night

My school dress- I wore it for many years (I hope school dress includes this tag :P)

My aviator sunglasses

My Adidas watch- i love wearing watches

Last but not the least... my prized Jockey undies- Next best thing is to be naked :P

P.S: k... so i was supposed  to mention 9 things that i have worn the most... and i have mentioned only 8... and u know why!!! coz i don't care... it took me more than one hour to collect these stuffs and with a wardrobe as boring and stupid as mine even these 8 things are more than enough :)

P.P.S: this tag was the most stupid...most weird  most irritating yet the most interesting one... it was fun doing this tag...

DUNHILL DREAMS

Strange things happen when you take alcohol after a long time… naah!! This is my story…Strange things happen when I take alcohol after a long time…I just can’t handle the situation… I loose my mind… loose my capacity to reason…  I speak and do stupid stuffs… become verbose… in short it’s great!!! Coz sooner or later I realize that all the things I did while being high were not stupid…may be weird but not stupid…

I mean for a person like me, who thinks too much, alcohol is the only way to loose his mind… and when I loose my mind I stop thinking… and when I stop thinking I DO things… things I wouldn’t have dared to do with my sane mind… it makes me feel free, makes me pretend less and makes me feel like I can do anything…

It was one such night… I was alone in my apartment… all my room mates were in their home town…I was feeling lonely and all sorts of worry engulfed my mind… and then I did something which I usually don’t do when I am alone… I went to the market and got my self a pint of strong beer… now that was a stupid decision considering that I am quite sensitive to alcohol… I just cannot handle it… but then, I was alone and feeling scared and lonely… scared of what, I don’t know

And I remember it was exactly 6 p.m … I got the beer and drank the whole bottle one gulp…ok…fine… may be I am exaggerating a bit… but it was not more than 3-4 gulp that I finished the bottle… and the first thing I wanted to do after that was… to run to the bathroom and throw out… thankfully I didn’t throw out… I was like drinking beer after a gap of 6-7 months and my body certainly didn’t like it…

And after 20-25 mins I like completely lost my mind… i don’t exactly remember what I did next… since I was all by myself I don’t remember much… I just have a hazy picture of that evening in my mind… I remember that I went to an ATM and took out few bucks from my account… and then I went to some shop and bought my self a tee and a Calvin Klein jeans… next I remember I was in a restaurant… don’t exactly remember what I ate… and then  I was back in my apartment… I was holding a packet of Dunhill cigarettes in one hand and some chocolates in the other… and then I did… I did something very embarrassing… I removed off my clothes and went to the terrace… yeah you read it right…every single piece of cloth from  my body… it was dark and I was all into myself… and I didn’t care a bit if anyone saw me naked…seriously!! I did it… I know it’s cheap and pathetic thing to do…dunno what was goin through my mind at that time… but I did it… then I went to the terrace and took out a cigarette… I smoked some 3-4 cigarettes… (I don’t smoke… I hate it… but as I said, I lost my senses and capacity to reason…)… listenened to some rock music on my cell…and WHAM!!!... the next thing I remember was that it was 11 am, the next day, and I was on my bed (and thank God, this time with all my clothes on)…

I don’t remember how I came down and when I put my clothes on… I checked my cell phone… and the balance was nil… I had almost 50 bucks in my cell phone the night before… and it was all gone… I checked my records… and guess who I called!!!... HER!!! I don’t remember anything that I said her… I never asked her and she never told me… but must be something stupid… Ah!! Who knows…?

Next, I rushed to the ATM to check my balance… coz I remembered I had done something stupid with my ATM card… and as it turned out… my balance was Rs. 75…yeah, I spent some 1700 bucks in one night…

So, there I was… standing in the middle of the road… all broke and penniless with just Rs. 20 in my wallet … mind sick with hangover… head spinning with headache… and yet I was feeling happy… coz at that moment I was feeling free… no burden what so ever…I didn’t care if I’ll make it to the best MBA college… I didn’t care if I’ll earn six figure monthly salary… I didn’t care if I’ll make a girlfriend… I didn’t care at all about my fucked up college life… all I knew was that I am free… nobody can force things on me…nobody…not even my destiny…and even if it does, eventually I’ll make it out… and with slowly and heavy footsteps I started walking towards my apartment…only this time I was lighter than ever before…

P.S- you might be wondering why this post is called “Dunhill Dreams”… well, there’s a part of story that I skipped… I had a dream while I was having those Dunhill cigarettes… I don’t remember much… may be that was just a hallucination… but I saw something like a penthouse… Manhattan city… the sky scrapers… and a beautiful girl lying by my side… well, actually I do remember what I saw… but its all I am going to say to you… its not that I don’t want to say to you… but its just that I cant explain it in a blog… you have to be here with me to feel it

P.P.S- this blog is not an implication that beer can make you happy…it screws up your mind…its bad… but what I want to say is that if you want to be happy… feel free…its easy if you try… and you don’t need a beer to do it… all that you need is a spirited heart and a spirited mind and the world will be your oyster

Zzzzz...

5^th May 2010

(well, i wrote this blog about a month ago...just posting it over here a little late..

You might be wondering why this post is called “Zzzzzz…”…  well, I was actually half asleep when I wrote this blog… lame reason I know but that’s how I am)

As I sit by my window, I see the rising sun at the horizon…gleaming in its golden color…its beautiful, its bright, its strong…its…its overwhelming...its…its bullshit!!!

Absolute bullshit!!!

Why am I being so poetic!!!…I mean…I  never see the rising sun…coz when its rising I am in my bed… I guess it’s coz of the beer,  I had last night… ufff!!! I still have the headache… its tough to handle alcohol when you are taking it after a long time…

Anyways, am quite busy these dayz… things arent going too smooth… Trying hard to achieve my “Dunhill Dreams”…( well, for those who don’t know what “Dunhill Dreams” is… better be ignorant… and those who know about it… please keep motivating me to realise it)

Meanwhile, I gave my 2^nd year examinations… hope to be in 3^rd year next semester… screwed up some of the papers…rest were fine…

Two years…hmmm… I cant believe I spent two years at that place… and now when I look back, it all seems hazy and diminished… no real college life to remember… no group… no hangouts…the only memory I have my college life is that of attending  boring lectures and listening to the proffesors who know everything but their syllabus… it was like watching news on doordarshan in infinite loop… I hope that things will get better in the 3^rd year…

CAT paper is due this December… I’ll have to work very hard to make it to the top 10 MBA colleges…yeah that what I am aiming for

What else… feeling real sleepy now!!! Meet ya next time…hic… (hangover still hasn’t passed)

Good night!!! go to sleep...

..all that i am and all that i ever was

DATE:  sometime in 2010

(I never felt  the need to explain myself…  but sometimes life ask questions and you need to answer them… and this time its my turn)

I aint a saint, I aint a philosopher…

I aint a bohemian, I aint an evangelist…

I aint a rockstar, I aint a masochist…

I aint a leader, I aint a follower…

I no not who I am!!!

 Flaunting is not my fate… I don’t smoke Dunhill and I am not a chain smoker…

I don’t drink vodka and puke on road…

I do things I like… I do things the way I want ‘em to… not the way the way they are supposed to…

I write poetries but I feel shy when it comes to talking to a girl…

I play guitar but I do it only when I am alone…

I don’t live a life to inspire others… I do what I feel is right… I rarely comb my hair and I don’t give a shit what people think about me… I don’t listen to Lady Gaga just coz everybody is doing it… and I don’t  have fetish for six pack abs… As I said, flaunting is not my fate…

I am simple… I am ordinary… I am indifferent… you might not even notice me in the faceless crowd… but once you do, I guarantee, you will never forget me…

I believe in “ME”… I believe in moving on with life… even if it means walking alone… I don’t wait for anyone or anything… I don’t shed tears for the things that I have I lost and relationships that have rusted…  I don’t show my emotions but that doesn’t meant am not vulnerable… I may seem like an egoist but am not …all I care about is my destination and the thousand miles that’s lying in between…

I wont deny my love for material luxury… I have fetish for flashy cars and big mansions… but that’s coz I have seen monetary constrains in my life and I want to rise above it…

Someday… maybe someday I’ll live out all my dreams…  I’ll make my kingdom out of scrap… out of nowhere I’ll find a way… and I won’t rest until I’ve got what’s mine…

Yeah…that’s how I am…and that’s how I have lived my life…

You may love me…you may hate me… you may like me… you may despise me… but in the end…i'll be all that  I am and all that I ever was!!!!