Just watched Titanic n its strange that even after so many years (I watched it after almost 6 years or so) the post movie feeling remains the same…I can still feel those goose bumps on my hand …and it makes me wonder if love’s such a beautiful thing that its worth dying for???
Hmmmm….How can a single soul like me know the answer to that question…
May be I should look back at my life to know the answer to that…it might open some windows…
O.k., even though my life sucks… I (am trying to) love it… n it ain’t that bad either, believe me…I mean even though I don’t have a large circle of friends (metropolitans may have millions of people to boast of but its hard to fetch a single good friend)…even though my college life sucks…even though my luck never seem to favor me…still, life ain’t that bad… perhaps coz now I don’t complain being alone…or perhaps coz I have no one to complain…or perhaps coz now I’ve started to enjoy the loneliness and the emptiness within me… I am single and I love it…its good to have no burden of relationships…
BUT BUT BUT…
It doesn’t really mean that I never think about ‘em…Sometimes I do think about relationships and how they work… sometimes I do wonder if I’ll have to spend the rest of my life like this…like a lonely broken hearted soul…or if I ‘d ever feel the warmth of love… I do think about these stuffs, perhaps in my moments of loneliness and emptiness…yeah, that’s when I feel free from the otherwise bondages of life…
I haven’t really been into any kinda relationship… not even a brief one…(let alone a serious one)…well, that’s coz I chose it to be that way…(or perhaps my life chose me to be that way)…whatever, but sometimes my loneliness kills me…
The winter mornings of Delhi seems even more chilling when I wake up in the morning and realize that that still there’s no one to hold my hand…no one to share my feelings with…and no one to rest my heads upon…I look at my empty eyes in the mirror and see how shallow I have become…how tiresome I feel…and I wonder if its coz of my loveless life!!! (or maybe I should stop watching late night movies…lol)
Anyways, I have felt love…perhaps more than once n I know how beautiful it is…people do all kinda crazy stuffs n suddenly this bitchy world starts seeming like a paradise…love is like a drug…perhaps the most psychedelic stuff created by the nature ever… in fact the most dangerous intoxicant…but intoxicants have hangover…n the hangover of love is the worst one…believe me…it’s the worst one…
Once its gone, the world which seemed so pretty…so beautiful… starts seeming like a hell…it becomes even more bitchy…u want to run, u want to scream, u want to bleed, u want to cry…u want to DIE…
Sure I experienced love…but they have all been one sided…(for more info, read my blog DECEMBER LOVE)…so I don’t really have the idea about how it actually feels like when there is love from both the sides… but according to my experiences, if things don’t work out well in this case...the result turn out to be even more disastrous than in the first case (one sided love)…
So, what is love!!! A life saving drug or a life killing drug…
Maybe, I’ll have to wait for my own experience…
p.s: fuck!! When will the December rain fall on me ;)
p.p.s: I guess I should stop watching romantic tragedies…they make me sick…
9 comments:
that's coool
though i ve never been into a relationship called love...but i have loved once...loved her so very much that i can't remember anyone or anything else of that phase of life(that was in the mid of class 12th) i could never express her the way i should have i realised it later...she knew it and she loved me too...don't know how much but yes she did or be it a misconception it gives me strength and thats not a bad bargain...i don't regret whatever happened whatever i lost, in fact i thank God for blessing me with the so far best memories of my life...my first love. On the day of the 2nd Board paper I spoke to her for the last time and then I parted from her and the best part was that i parted bringing a smile on her face...pure happiness...joy from the bottom of her heart...that was the time when i felt like i have done something no one else could have done, i felt so strong that day that i can defeat any trouble...to keep that smile blossoming i could have done anything...i could have died or taken a million lives whatever is required. what i wanted was nothing more than a sign of acceptance that yes she loved me too...she gave it to me that day...I love you and will always do...can't love anyone else so madly...i miss many of others but i don't miss you...sounds strange isn't it...no the truth is she never parted from me...she is there watching me from beside...enjoys every moment of happiness that i bring...keeps me from doing wrong...feels proud on some act of kindness...boasts at my achievements...soothes my grievances...feels sad at my failures...cries when i am too busy to even think of her...I can't stop loving her...tu hai aasman mein teri ye zami hai, tu jo hai to sab kuch hai na koi kami hai, tu hi dil hai tu hi jaan bhi hai, tu khushi hai aasra bhi, teri chahat zindagi hai, tu muhobbat...tu ashiqui hai.
oh boy!!!
i didn't know that...i cant describe what u said and how i feel now after reading this...
but it certainly has changed my perception about love...
but i don't understand...if she said yes...why arent both of u together...i mean y u patred (physically)...u could hav carried on the relationship
well she didn't say yes exactly...thats y it can be my misconception...but the trick is to live in this misconception and imagining her around me. she did show me signs which i can't describe in words which gave me enough reasons to believe and keep on living with it forever...we better are not together coz life would have been much complicated...may be it could lead to Hindu-Muslim riots in Allahabad...we physically are parted, i can't say about her if she remembers me the same way but for me she never parted with coz i never let her go...she is in my subconcious.
yeah thats what i have tried to say in my blog "what if"...
so far so good should be the philosophy of life...
n who knows u might end up meeting her at crossroad...
i wish u all the best bro...
Hmm...I heard about all kinda things...love sucks and being single rocks and blah blah and I used to be like one of them until one day I was bitten by the love bug. I am in a relationship and I cannot explain the amount of happiness and purity...its AWESOME!
True, wait for your own time...and once you get it...the world will be no less than heaven!
...hey Shalini, u know wat!!! love comes when you least expect it and leave u wen u really need it...that's totally my personal perception...
i may say that its good to be single or alone or other craps like that...but i really want to love and be loved...
but, the shit is that my prior experiences with love (if they were love) had been very bad...they hav all been one sided...read my blog DECEMBER LOVE...u'll have some idea... so now i am afraid to fall in love again... and that i'll have my heart broken once again...
but as i said, u never know anything with love...it might be waiting 4 me right at next turn...(wat's wrong in being positive)
"""love comes when you least expect it and leave u wen u really need it"" this is ur personal perception bout LOVE...
“There are four questions of value in life... What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.... n wat i feel... FRIENDSHIP IS SIMPLY LOVE MADE VISIBLE... :)
@sneha: i wrote it almost two years ago...i didnt know what was love, then...i still dont...but i do agree with you...
"FRIENDSHIP IS SIMPLY LOVE MADE VISIBLE"... :)
thanx for reading my posts :)
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