Its time for some confessions and redemption
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Maddie (my roomie) once told me…. “hum log wo kutte hai jo car ke peeche tab tak bhagte hai jab tak car chal rahi hoti hai… car ke rukte hi hum dum daba kar bhag jate hai”…harsh it may sound but it’s true!! He was right…He was damn right…
I see myself as the same dog…chasing dreams set by others for me…just coz I don’t have the guts to believe in mine…even when life throws an opportunity to follow my dream I try to run away from it…I try to escape from it…I’d agree to the fact that I am an escapist…
Say…
What should I do MBA for??? Money?? Six figure monthly income??
Why shouldn’t I do something I like!!! Something creative…something which doesn’t follow any rule nor has boundaries… Like…like writing poetries and stories, playing guitar, traveling around places….why??
The reason is simple…I don’t have guts to follow my dreams…its not that I was different before…I have always been like these… I don’t remember any moment in my life where I had guts to listen to my heart (except for the moment when I decided to quit engg. And even that decision seems wrong now)…I have always been afraid of taking decisions… coz I fear its wrong….I have always been prudent while making promises… coz I fear I’ll break them… I have always kept myself from delving into any strong relationship…be it friendship or love…coz I fear I’ll loose them… I have lived my life in constant fear of loosing things…
And even if I do things I like am always skeptical about them as to what would people think about me… would they appreciate me!!!…even as I write this blog am skeptical about my abilities…my problem is that I care too much..
Why should I write this blog? To please others or to please myself??
And why should I pour out my problems on internet?? Do I hope for an answer?? Does it matter?? Waise bhi, nobody reads my stupid blog…so what’s the purpose of writing this??
Actually, I myself dunno what I want from life…
What i do know is that I have not lived my life I should have lived it…and I guess, its time for redemption now…
But the million dollar question is, where does the salvation lie?? What should be my approach now??
Does anybody hold my answer??
6 comments:
yeah start searching for a job in some kind of tourism company who send people to places to write about them in there magazines or websites etc.
if you get one after bcom start doing it...do take your pen and diary along and guitar also...you may fullfill all your dreams and after some job experience you can go for correspondence MBA to get 6 figure salary
I thought somebody made a resolution not to regret!
Anyway, you have seen 3Idiots right? Did you not get a lesson to not be afraid of anything?
And writing a blog is like writing a diary, you just write what 'you' want to because its 'your' space...dont care about people reading it!
The salvation lies in you. Easier said than done...but you have to get hold of your life and figure out what to be...the time is now. All you gotta to do take out focus from fear and negativity and shift your focus on thinking about what you want to be. Dont do an MBA if you dont want to, there are a million other options.
Therez nothing lost in being optimistic you know!
@ shalabh bhaiya: thnx 4 d advice bhaiya...i'll change..its time i guess
@ shalini: hey thanx for reminding me my resolution..you know wat, u r ryt!!! i mean there's no one who can help me but me... as i said i know i have not lived my life as i should hav lived...but its never late than never...
actually, this blog is my space where i pour out all my frustration...so sometimes i may sound like a psycho joyless person but am a pretty happy go lucky guy...
bhai aisa hai ki aap bahut zayada soch rahe hai!!
mere baato ko itna zayada dil se lagane ki zaroot nahi hai.sochna galat nahi hai par zayada sochna galat hai.shyad aap bhul rahe hai ki maine aap se ye bhi kaha tha ki kabhi kabhi hume wo kaam bhi karne parte hai jo hume pasand nahi par wo dusaro ke liye accha hota hai.abhi aap ki umr 20 saal hi hai aap jo karna chaate hai uske liye aap time nikal hi loge.zayada sochne ki zaroot nahi hai enjoy life non stop!!
well guys this transition phase is easier said than lived...
i would better recommend you to keep your mind as busy as possible and while you are relaxing try and enjoy the most of it...do the things which you like and don't compromise...slowly you will start producing hormones which will keep you happy more than worried...and for keeping yourself busy you can chose to study regularly or practice guitar or anything which you don't think as a time waste for your career
@ anonymous: aapne jo kaha hai mai uski saraahna karta hun...par mera ye manna hai ki doosro ko khush karne ke liye khud ko dukhi krna sahi nahi hai...ek had tak thik hai par ant me ye zindagi apne banae raaste pe raste pe chalne me hi samajhdari hai...meri umar sirf 20 saal hi hai...abhi to bahut kuch dekhna aur samajhna hai...
@shalabh bhaiya:hey brother, u r absolutely right...n this is what am trying to do...am trying to look beyond imperfections...it's not easy i understand...but its worth trying...the secret of life is to fall down 7 times and get up 8 times...n its the latter part that is hardest to do...
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